Volume 1862
Georges Dodds'
The Ape-Man: his Kith and Kin
A collection of texts which prepared the advent of Tarzan of the Apes by Edgar Rice Burroughs
Presents
http://www.erbzine.com/mag18/sunless2.htm

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Chapter XX

A very severe frown darkened the King's brow as he observed his daughter caressing Flin, and it was very evident he was angered so as to be unable to speak his thoughts. The Princess was by no means confused, though her face reddened a little. She released Flin, and moving quickly towards her father she said with sweet simplicity, ---

"I am so glad, sire, you have come. This young male has been telling me his woes, and aroused my sympathy deeply, as I am sure yours will be when you have heard his trouble."

"Peace, child," cried the King. "I thought that you were gaining some wisdom, but, alas? I fear that you are just as giddy as ever."

"Ah, your Majesty, you judge me harshly," moaned the charming Princess, with a pretty pout. "I did but sympathise with the poor young barbarian. You know that my heart was never proof against a tale of woe."

"A tail, you jade," cried the enraged King, mistaking his daughter's meaning, "why do you mock me? the wretch is tailless, and therefore too inferior to perform even the most menial office for the daughter of a King. And yet I find you flirting with him in every way as if he were one of us. It is shocking, absolutely shocking and unpardonable."

"Dear King," sighed the artful Princess, as she gently wound her arms round his Majesty's neck. "Do not be angry with your little pet. She did but sport innocently with this funny being. He is such a novelty, you know, and so young too."

A smile spread over the old King's face, and he looked down proudly on the face of his daughter, whose head had drooped gracefully on his breast. "You are a naughty little child, Yobmot, to anger your father so."

"I will not do so any more, your Majesty."

"False promises, child, false promises, I fear. You have made them so often, only to break them again, that I am compelled to doubt."

"Believe me this time, your Majesty, for I am sincere."

"Well, well, it shall be as you desire. Ytidrusba informs me that you have a request to prefer, and I am here to hear it."

"Was ever girl blessed with such a dear parent?" remarked the Princess, as she playfully patted the King's cheek. "You are the very embodiment of wisdom and generosity."

"Cease your flattery, daughter, and let me know your wishes."

"I wish to plead for this miserable being, whose very wretchedness and misery should excite our pity. Dr. Yrekcauq would exhibit him as we have the alligators and other strange beasts shown for the gratification of the common people. However amusing such a show might be --- for no one can doubt that he is a most extraordinary and comical wretch --- I venture to think that it would be detrimental to the dignity of an enlightened and mighty people to make an exhibition of a creature who in some measure can claim kindredship with us."

The King was thoughtful. He bit his finger nails, and his daughter still fondled him, for she was a very artful young lady.

"Our exchequer is low, Ytidrusba, is it not?" he asked sadly.

"It is, your Majesty."

"That being so, we can replenish it well by showing this novel being in an iron cage, as some strange beast who bears an extraordinary resemblance to a pre-human being."

"Your Majesty will surely spare me such an indignity," chimed in Flin, who felt that he could no longer remain silent. "I am an American subject, and in the name of my Government I protest very strongly indeed. In the United States we are in the habit of treating aliens with the greatest amount of consideration and respect. I trust, therefore, that you will have some respect for my feelings. And in the event of your nation and mine ever being able to communicate with each other, you would find that any respect shown to me would be amply repaid."

The King burst into a loud and contemptuous laugh, in which Ytidrusba joined.

"I must give you credit for one thing at least," his Majesty observed, when he had recovered himself, "you have an astonishing amount of assurance, if not impudence. If you are a fair specimen of your countrymen --- and I take it that you are --- that land of yours must be a pretty warm place to live in. Are you aware, sir, that I am the mightiest monarch in all the world?"

"Are you indeed?" said Flin, ironically, "I was not aware of that interesting fact."

"Then know it now, and henceforth respect me. I have no doubt that the beings among whom you dwell have a very exalted notion of themselves. But possibly so have the smallest insects that crawl through our land. But you must remember that you are for ever stamped with the awful brand of degeneration, and that you belong to a fallen race. Save that you speak, you are no better than the wild animals in our woods. This may not be your fault, but conscious of your own littleness, you should not be guilty of presumption."

Flin was terribly annoyed at the old King's remarks, but he bowed gracefully and said with withering sarcasm, ---

"Your Majesty is undoubtedly a highly civilised and most polished gentleman, and the nation you honour by ruling over it must be a happy and mighty nation, indeed, with such a wise King to govern it. But, while in justice I admit this, I trust you will permit me to say that amongst the nations which dwell on the crust of the earth America stands preeminently the highest and most glorious. I guess it's a mighty tall nation and wants some licking. It can give points to every other nation on the crust of the earth, but of course it is not equal to your own kingdom."

The King smiled, for he liked flattery. It was a lucky speech of Flin's, and completely won the old monarch, whose vanity had been touched.

The Princess also was not slow to perceive the effect Flin's words had had upon her father; for she possessed all the keenness of a woman's penetration, and was a practised hand in the use of those cunning little artifices which are the weapons of the softer sex, and which are used with terrible effect on poor, weak men.

The charming Princess, seeing that His Majesty was moved by Flin Flon's appeal, determined to follow up .the advantage thus gained --- what a sly little puss she was, was she not? --- and so, caressing her parent very lovingly, she simpered, ---

"What a dear, dear delightful pa you are to be sure. Was ever girl so blessed as I? Heigho! I fear, pa dear, I am not so deserving of you affection as I ought to be, but then, you know, I am going to be ever so good in future."

"Humph!" murmured the King, and though his hairy face beamed with a pleasant smile, he looked suspiciously at his daughter as if he didn't quite believe all she said. But he patted her head, and observed, "Yobmot, you are an artful little dear. I know you want to wheedle your old father out of something. Come now, is it not so?"

"I declare this is too bad," cried the Princess, as she stamped her foot, and with an air of injured innocence drew back and pouted her lips. "It is really too bad," she repeated, pulling out a very large amber handkerchief and pressing it to her eyes. (Alas! woman's nature seems to be much alike in all worlds. We have no authentic accounts from the moon, but if there be female dwellers there, and it is very probable that there are, they no doubt are just as experienced in the value of tears as a most effective weapon against man's heart as their sublunary sisters. At any rate Princess Yobmot --- sly little minx --- knew their use too well.) Her loving and gentle sire drew the fair head to his broad chest, and toying with her locks, he said ---

"There, there, my pet, spoil not those pretty eyes with weeping."

But the naughty little thing only sobbed the more. So that the King caressed her still more tenderly, and whispered, "There, there, my darling, dry your tears. I did not mean to hurt your feelings so. Tell me what I can do for you. I promise that I will grant any reasonable request. I will really."

"Oh, you dear, kind, cruel, naughty, delightful old pa," suddenly exclaimed the Princess, at the same time smoothing her back hair, which had been ruffled by the King's arm, and having arranged her tresses, she kissed her father, and added, "You are so awfully nice." (The observant reader will note that the paradoxical style of expression, which is at once so pretty and so absurd, is by no means peculiar to the young ladies of the upper world, but seems to be general.) "I have only one little tiny favour to ask, and, after having wounded my feelings so terribly, you must grant it."

"And pray what is it, pet?"

"For the honour and credit of our great nation, you must let this miserable, tailless barbarian have his liberty, and be free to move amongst our people and improve himself by studying our customs."

The King sighed. He was unable to resist his daughter's persuasive powers. Alas! he was by no means the first King who had fallen through lovely woman.

"I fear, my dear," he remarked, "that if I comply with your request it will not be very much to our credit --- which we shall have to pledge --- as our exchequer is so exhausted. But it shall be as you desire. Our royal promise is given."

"Oh, you are kind," cried his daughter, casting a sly glance at Flin and Ytidrusba. The latter gentleman was particularly delighted, as he saw what a triumph he had gained over his adversary, Doctor Yrekcauq. "I intend to be ever such a good little girl now, pa," she added, as she once more kissed him.

The old King was visibly affected. This might have been caused by the great display of his daughter's affection; but it was very possibly owing to the thought that he would have to devise some other plan to refill his empty coffers. It was a great sacrifice to give up the scheme of exhibiting Flin, but there was no help for it, as he was disarmed of all resolutions when his daughter wept.

"I confess that I have yielded to my daughter's request very reluctantly," observed the King, turning to Flin. "I have no doubt at all that if one of my subjects was to stray into your country he would be instantly seized, places in a cage, and exhibited to gaping ignoramuses." (Flin thought this was exceedingly probable, for a being with a tail would be a curiosity indeed in the upper world.) "However," pursued his Majesty, "the customs of savage nations do not, I am pleased to say, affect us. We are desirous to set an example by which we hope other nations will profit. You will, therefore, consider yourself at perfect liberty to go where you like in Esnesnon, and if you are an observer you cannot fail to benefit by what you see, and I trust that, if you should return to the Upper World, you will do all in your power to reform your fellows, and instruct them in the arts and politeness of a highly civilised people, such as, I am proud to say, we are."

Flin bowed low. But he could scarcely repress a smile as he compared the great American nation with Esnesnon. It seemed to him so ludicrously absurd for an old savage only one degree removed from an animal of the woods, like King Gubmuh, to talk of "politeness" and "arts," and to imagine for a single moment that the American people had anything to learn in this respect. He was determined, however, not to seem wanting in that delicate courtesy which as an American subject he knew so well how to exercise. And so dropping on his knee, he pressed his lips to the hairy hand of the monarch, and said: "I beg that your Majesty will accept the expressions of my most perfect gratitude and esteem for the unlooked-for favour which you have been pleased to extend to me. And I beg to further assure your Majesty that should I be so fortunate as to return safe and well to my beloved country, I shall never cease to uphold your Majesty as a generous and kindly monarch. And though I cannot admit that my nation is altogether what you believe it to be, I do go so far as to say that your Majesty's example might very fairly be copied by other crowned heads. One thing I may safely state, and that is, that the representations I shall make of your Majesty's goodness and generosity will win for you the entire good-will of the mighty people who live under the glorious stars and stripes."

"Tut, tut," cried the King, "this is mere bunkum."

Flin was astounded that King Gubmuh should be acquainted with a noun that was so singularly expressive and peculiarly American. And it must be confessed that he was annoyed at being accused of talking "bunkum." But he considered it would have been an act of weakness to let his Majesty see that he had noticed the insult, and so he merely bowed again and said, ---

"Permit me to observe that you Majesty's generosity is only excelled by your exceeding great wisdom." Whereat the King smiled, and motioning to Ytidrusba, withdrew.

As soon as the door was closed, the Princess Yobmot burst into a loud laugh, and capering round the room like a young colt just let loose, she cried, ---

"Oh, you delightful little humbug! Why, I declare, the governor almost believed that you meant what you said. I saw the old buffer's eyes twinkling as though they were going to water."

Mr. Flonatin was terribly shocked at the levity of this young creature. To hear her speak of her father as the "governor," and "old buffer," was painful, and he replied, ---

"Really, your Highness, I would remind you that I am a sedate and grave man of science, and such giddiness as you display troubles me. I am not given to speaking what I do not feel, and you may believe me when I say ---"

The Princess here interrupted him with a perfect roar of laughter, and exclaimed, ---

"Oh, do give over, you funny little creature, or I shall faint. We shall have some jolly fun together if you are a good little fellow and only do what I tell you, and between us we shall be able to gammon the governor into anything."

She threw her arms round Mr Flonatin's waist, and set off him in a waltz round the room, spinning round and round like a top, until the poor fellow was bewildered and giddy, and sank down on a seat perfectly exhausted, while the lively girl fanned him with her amber handkerchief and laughed immoderately.

Chapter XXI

The excitement in the city of Esnesnon caused by Flin Flon's strange arrival promised to be something more than a nine days' wonder, and public opinion was very much divided as to who he was, and where he had come from. In fact two "parties" were quickly formed --- the one led by the celebrated Doctor Yrekcauq and the other by the great spiritualist and magician, Ytidrusba. It may be as well to mention here that the word "magician" was not used in the city of Esnesnon in the same sense as it is used by upper world people. It was in point of fact a title of great honour, and indicated learning and attainments of a very high order. Mr Ytidrusba was, as has been shown, well acquainted with the science of mesmerism, and he was also a "professor of spiritualism." This was a degree peculiar also to the central world. For although there are spiritualists in the upper world, they are simply practisers, and not professors. And after the power displayed by the learned Ytidrusba, I am afraid it will have to be admitted that the spiritualists of the upper world are very shallow impostors indeed. One thing was very remarkable. Mr Ytidrusba did not resort to the childish nonsense of making the chairs and tables dance, and knocking flower-pots about in order to convince his world that spirits did exist. But he professed to have an intimate knowledge of the occult sciences, and he preached a doctrine that certain of the dead of Esnesnon took their departure to the outer regions of the globe; that there they assumed another form, and went through a probationary term previous to voyaging to a new world. Of course such a doctrine as this will sound very ridiculous to civilised ears. But it is a trifle more rational than that preached by the canting hypocrites of this favoured region, who impiously assert that they are enabled to hold communion with the disembodied spirits of another sphere. I am bound to confess my inability to account for the very remarkable knowledge possessed by Ytidrusba, nor would I for a single moment believe that Mr Flonatin was guilty of anything like "bunkum" in making the statements that he has done. His upright conduct and noble disposition must for ever place him above the breath of slander or calumny. He was the very embodiment of truth, and the good man's bones would surely rattle in his grave if any reader should for a single moment doubt the truth of anything he has written. Anyway I feel it is but justice to his memory to say that if any trifling inaccuracies or exaggerations have inadvertently crept into this history, they must be laid to my charge as the historian. Though I have no fear but what will bear favourable comparison with the generality of histories. In fact, I venture to think there are fewer misstatements than might have been expected in a work of such magnitude, and dealing as it does with a new world and a new race of people. But as I fear I shall be accused of egotism, I will say nothing more about the merits of the work, for I hold that if there is anything that is objectionable it is surely the blowing of one's own trumpet. In fact, since the noble and high-souled race of critics came into being, there is no longer any necessity for one to praise oneself, as these gentle creatures do it for you, and in such a delicate and polite manner as to leave nothing to be desired. These gentlemen critics are above suspicion, and as for the ladies, why, they are simply perfect. Any work possessing a scintilla of ability is sure to receive the most gracious consideration at the hands of these good people. In fact, they delight in giving praise, and their lives are one long round of enjoyment and pleasure, as must ever be the case with those who live, not for themselves, but for the benefit of others less favoured than themselves. But spotless and chaste as is the race of critics, they do not escape the breath of calumny. Unprincipled and shameless persons have at times hinted at bribery and corruption in connection with criticism. They have even gone so far as to say that critics are jealous, cross- gained, envious, splenetic, captious, spiteful, snarling, stony- hearted, shallow-brained, one-sided, mercenary, champagne- drinking, supper-eating, favour-hunting, office-seeking, falsehood-telling people. But it is a remarkable fact that these libellers have invariably come to some bad end, or met with violent deaths, which speak plainly of that providence which protects the good and punishes the guilty.

But to once more take up the thread and return to that city of moral gloom, Esnesnon. There the State was torn with the feuds of contending parties. And the peace and goodwill so conspicuous in the upper regions were not enjoyed there. There were contentions, bickerings, backbitings, jealousy, hatred, malice, uncharitableness; and, in short, so much evil that it would almost justify the belief indulged in by the pious people of the upper world that the centre world was verily the infernal regions.

The Press of Esnesnon was also very corrupt. The Gazette was the State organ, and its toadyism was fulsome. All official notices appeared in it, and it was practically the voice of the King and the Government, of which more will be said by-and- by. The opposition paper was the Anti-Humbug News. This was, in fact, the people's journal, and professed to be the only vehicle of public opinion. It prided itself upon its incorruptibility, and "gassed" a good deal about its "pure tone and outspoken honesty." There is reason to believe, however, that this was only "bosh," and that it really existed by trading on the credulity of an ignorant people, and by misdirecting public opinion. As to whether the latter charge is correct, my readers will be able to draw their own inferences from the following extract, which has reference to Flin Flon's arrival. It will be remembered that the Gazette was the only paper which was allowed to have a representative at Court, and consequently the only journal able to supply its readers with accurate Court information. There can be little doubt that the News smarted from this exclusiveness, and was exceedingly bitter against its rival. But the relative value of the opinion of the respective papers will be best judged when the following is contrasted with the notice taken from the Gazette. This is what the Anti-Humbug News said: ---

"A few days ago we briefly announced the arrival in this city of a strange being, supposed to have come from some savage region, as yet undiscovered by our geographers. We refrain from giving any detailed account of the creature until we had been able to learn something more about him by a personal interview. With this object we immediately despatched one of the oldest members of our staff to interview the stranger. But we regret to announce that our representative was resolutely and insolently refused admission into the palace. We were not altogether unprepared for this, knowing as we do the amount of cliqueism and favouritism which unfortunately prevail at his Majesty's Court. Our policy has always been to speak out boldly, without fear and without favour; as our readers are aware, this has brought us into bad odour in certain quarters. But in the interests of this great people, and the country generally, we do not hesitate now to inform the King that it is his duty as monarch of a mighty realm to study the interests of his subjects, and to recognise no party. Unhappily --- and we say this with all due respect --- his Majesty allows a few interested office-seekers to stand between him and his people. For a long time the government of the country has virtually been in the hands of Mr. Ytidrusba and Doctor Yrekcauq, and as it is notorious that a bitter feud exists between these two learned beings, we fearlessly assert that they should no longer be allowed to make the Court and the Senate the arena for their personal quarrels. That both gentlemen are endowed with extraordinary ability must be freely admitted, but their high attainments are sullied by a smallness of spirit that would discredit barbarians. The arrival of the strange being is the signal for a renewal of the jealousy which has so long been a disgrace to his Majesty's palace, and both Mr Ytidrusba and Doctor Yrekcauq forget what they owe to the public in their desire to air their own opinions. We would, however, respectfully inform these gentlemen that we, as the organ of public opinion, object to have mud thrown in our eyes. We claim to have a voice in all matters affecting the public weal, and anything like chicanery or humbug we shall oppose with all the energy at our command. We believe that the public are being humbugged with reference to this stranger, whose chief claim to singularity seems to be the absence of a caudal appendage. We understand that there was a meeting yesterday at the Palace of all the learned men and savants of our city, but that they arrived at no definite conclusion, though both Mr Ytidrusba and Doctor Yrekcauq had their pet theories well paraded, as is usually the case when anything strange occurs. Without entering into the merits of the disputes of these scientists we feel called upon to denounce the statement that the stranger has come from the exterior of the earth, as one totally unworthy of a great mind, and equally unworthy of a moment's consideration by intelligent people. Our philosophers and scientific men have proved beyond a doubt that the exterior of this earth is perfectly smooth, and shrouded in eternal night. The idea, therefore, of anything having life being able to dwell upon a smooth ball, and in total darkness, is so ludicrously absurd that it is an insult to ask a person, even of the most ordinary intelligence, to believe it. But science has proved even more than this. It has established the fact that the exterior of the earth is surrounded with gases of such a deadly nature that nothing --- neither animal nor vegetable life --- could possibly exist there for a moment. It is, in short, a region of gloom, silence and death. To say, therefore, that a person similar in being to ourselves could possibly have made his way from there to here is a monstrously-absurd falsehood. This may be strong language, but the time has come when only plain speaking can avail. We have so long groaned under the despotism of cliques, who, from self-interested motives, have not hesitated to cram ridiculous notions down the public throat, that we are determined now to combat this. We feel it to be a duty, and we shall not flinch from doing that duty. Do not let our meaning be misunderstood. We write in the broad spirit of brotherly love and charity. But DUTY is our watchword. In the meantime, we caution the public not to be gulled by the nonsensical idea that this tailless wretch has come to us from the mysterious and unknown regions of solitude and darkness which surround our world. The commonest of logic will disprove this. He was found floating in his strange vessel on the Green River. Now the source of that river has never been discovered, notwithstanding the many attempts that have been made to trace it. It will be remembered that many years ago a powerful electrical vessel was fitted out to ascend the river, and after travelling for a considerable distance she came to the mouth of a huge tunnel, from which the water poured in such force as to render it impossible for the vessel to proceed further. There is no doubt that the new arrival came down this tunnel, and it is equally certain that, dwelling in another part of our world, and connected by the Green River, is an extraordinary race, of which this person is a representative. He had probably been boating when by some mischance he was carried away by the currents, and so found himself, much to his astonishment, amongst civilised people. But to suppose that he could have dropped down from regions that are, for aught we know, thousands of miles above us, is at once childish and ridiculous. If what we have stated is not true, then all we can say is that a cruel hoax is being perpetrated, for reasons that we confess we are unable to define. We shall jealously watch the movements of the Government with reference to the matter and shall not hesitate to expose anything like humbug."

Thus did the Anti-Humbug News pour out its vials of wrath, begotten by disappointment. As Flin Flon read the article he could scarcely refrain from smiling.

"Alas!" he mused, "there is little difference between those races with tails and those without. And if we could only get the monkeys to tell us what they thought of both human and prehuman beings, we should be very much astonished as well as shocked. "

The reader will probably acquiesce in this. And in the next chapter some very peculiar information will be given that will have special interest for the ladies.

Chapter XXII

It will be remembered that the roguish little Princess Yobmot had succeeded in wheedling her father into allowing Flin Flon to have his liberty. And this concession was no less welcome to Flin than to the lady herself. Mr Flonatin was by no means pleased with the exuberance of animal spirits displayed by the Princess, but under the circumstances he felt it was to his interest to put up with some inconveniences, and therefore he was determined to be silent, as she might prove a valuable ally.

On the day following Flin's interview with King Gubmuh, he was unexpectedly, and, as it proved, clandestinely visited by the Princess, who, suddenly bursting into the room, exclaimed, --- .

"Oh, I am so delighted to see you, you jolly little male! But do you know, my dad has prohibited me from coming, though that does not trouble me. Love laughs at locksmiths, you know, dear, doesn't it? "

Mr. Flonatin blushed. He could not help doing so, for he was particularly bashful and retiring in the presence of ladies.

"Really, you Highness," he stammered, "your attentions are no doubt well meant, but I must again remind you that I have long passed the hey-day of youth, and that love-making was an art in which I fear I never even reached mediocrity, as testified by the fact that in my old age I am still a bachelor and childless."

The Princess fairly roared with laughter as Flin spoke. She was evidently greatly amused, though he, poor man, had not the slightest intention of joking. His bachelorhood was a tender subject upon which he seldom touched. Nor shall I presume to deal with such a delicate and sacred matter, though I am selfish enough to feel some slight degree of gladness that the immortal traveller never was trapped into the net of Hymen. For had he settled down into a humdrum Benedict, and become the proud father of a large family, his roving propensities would not have been gratified, and, as a consequence, I should not have had the pleasure of writing this history. But to return to the Princess, who, when she had recovered, exclaimed, ---

"Oh, you funny little quack-quack, you talk in such a comical manner that I really cannot refrain from laughing."

Then she pressed his cheeks with her by no means delicate hands, I am sorry to say, and kissed him two or three times --- an act of gracious condescension which he by no means relished. And he showed his reluctance to be treated so familiarly by forcibly drawing back and frowning his severest frown, which only caused the Princess to break out again and cry, enthusiastically, ---

"You darling, you will drive me mad with laughter if you persist in being so funny. Do try and be sedate, there's a dear."

For her to be any madder than she was Flin thought would be morally impossible. In fact, his own private opinion, it may be freely confessed, was that everybody in Esnesnon was very decidedly mad, an opinion in which I by no means share. In fact, I do not hesitate to say that Mr. Flonatin was a little too severe, and since we do not know exactly the precise opinion entertained by the prehuman people for the human race, beyond that they believe us to be very degenerated, a belief in which I fully coincide, it is as well to be a little lenient and sparing of abuse, remembering that those who live in glass structures should not fling stones.

"Really, my dear madam," Flin remarked, "I must respectfully beg that you will be a little less volatile. I am so unused to such behaviour that it quite confuses me."

"What a splendid actor you are, to be sure," she answered, with a look of mock gravity. "Why, you would almost make one believe that you were in earnest. But do, for goodness sake, try and be a little serious yourself, there's a dear. It is not good for one to laugh so."

"I really protest, your Highness --- " Flin continued; but the Princess interrupted him by putting her hand playfully over his mouth, and saying, ---

"There, there, you funny little thing, don't joke any more now, or else I will get ever so angry with you."

Mr. Flonatin sighed. He felt that he was thoroughly mastered by this young lady, and that to attempt to convince her would be a perfectly hopeless task. He was not the first man who has had to confess himself beaten by a strong-minded woman. In fact, there is reason to fear that at the present day man is becoming decidedly the weaker vessel, and that henceforth his station will be in the kitchen, where he can exercise his ingenuity in making pastry and washing up the plates. But if woman has thoroughly made up her mind to drive us there, I call upon all men to rally round and make a bold stand against this revolutionary measure. Let us show the dear creatures that we know how to resent this last indignity. We will die, die bravely, piling up our dead bodies at the kitchen doors rather than submit.

"Now, look here," continued Princess Yobmot, addressing Flin. "I tell you what I am going to do. There is a meeting to-day of 'The Society for the Protection of Males.' I was one of the founders of this society, and it is supported by some of our best ladies. There is often some jolly fun there, and so I intend to take you. But, mind, on one condition only."

"And what is that, you Highness?" asked Flin, not a little pleased at the opportunity which offered itself to him to see some of the inner life of the New Worlders. The Princess sidled up to him, and looking into his face very roguishly, and patting him on the head, she said, ---

"Why, you artful little creature, as though you did not know. Well, it is that you do not allow any of the ladies there to make love to you; or I shall be so awfully jealous."

"Really, you Highness, I cannot believe that you wish me to accept this seriously. Surely the members of a Society whose business is of such a serious nature will not be guilty of such a dereliction of duty as that you name."

"You silly little thing," answered the Princess, "you don't know what my countrywomen are yet. It is very doubtful if they are capable of really serious business. And they are such flirts. I am afraid they sadly deceive their husbands, poor, confiding creatures! Oh, do you know, if I had a husband I should be so good to him. And I should always take him out whenever I went, and I shouldn't belong to any club, but always be home early at night, and never look slyly at any other young male. In fact, I should be a perfect model of a wife."

"I fear, your Highness, that you promise far too much," Flin observed. "I have heard men in my own country make similar promises, but I know they have seldom been kept. And the husband has cared more for his club than his wife after marriage."

"His club!" the Princess almost shrieked, throwing up her hands in horror. "His club," she repeated. "You don't mean to tell me that the husband has a club?"

"What I state is perfectly true, madam."

"And the husband goes away and leaves his wife at home?"

"Such I am sorry to say is too often the case."

"Oh, the brutes!" the Princess cried; "but tell me, why do the wives allow it?"

"Simply because they cannot help themselves. You must understand that in most civilis --- I beg your pardon, that is, I mean to say --- in the upper world regions man is invariably the ruler and the woman is ever the weaker sex."

"Oh, horror, I shall faint!" exclaimed the Princess. "Can it be possible that such a state of things can exist, even amongst barbarians? How I wish I could visit your country. I would very soon alter all that." Then she moved closer to him, and winding her arm round his waist, she broke out into an incredulous smile, and said, "You naughty, gay, little deceiver. Fie on you! You have been trifling with my feelings, and you know that what you have stated is false."

Flin by no means liked to have his veracity impugned, and gently disengaging himself from his too ardent admirer's grasp, he remarked, ---

"Your Highness is slightly discourteous to doubt my word --- "

But before he could finish his sentence she kissed him rather boisterously, and said, ---

"Now don't get cross, you little tease, for you know that what you say isn't true. The idea of trying to make me believe such a thing, you naughty little fellow. Now, now" --- as Flin was about to speak --- "it is no use saying anything else because I won't hear you. Why, if I thought that even in such a terrible place as that from which you have come my sex were so degraded I would drown myself, I declare I would. It is horrible to think of it even as a joke. So please not to be so funny any more, or I won't speak to you for a whole day."

Flin saw that it would be perfectly useless to attempt to convince this dreadful young lady. And he breathed a silent prayer of thankfulness that in his country her counterpart was nowhere to be found, and "the lords of creation" still held sway.

Alas! in the purity of his nature, and his childlike simplicity, he believed this to be the case. But things have altered since then, and if the good Flonatin's spirit could revisit earthly scenes he would weep to see how the Esnesnon fashions are becoming general throughout the upper world.

"Come, we must not waste any more time," the Princess remarked, "or the Society's meeting will be over." As she spoke she struck a polished stone disc with a sort of hammer, and a strange, low, musical note resulted. This stone was the equivalent for our bell. A servant appeared. "Order my chariot immediately," she said imperiously. The slave bowed and retired. Returning in a few minutes he announced that "the chariot was ready." Then, all smiles, the Princess turned to Mr Flonatin and said, "Come, dear, let us go." She caught up an elegant asbestos shawl which was lying over the sofa, and throwing it over Flin's head so as to conceal his face, she offered him her arm, and gazing on him with a look of admiration led him out of the room.

Chapter XXIII

The chariot, which waited at the door ready to receive the Princess, was circular in shape, not unlike the half of an egg-shell. This shell was fitted into a framework that bore a strong resemblance to an egg-cup. The cup rested on a wooden platform that might very well be likened to a table without legs. In the front and back part of the table were two wheels, and at the sides were two more like the driving-wheels of a locomotive. The motive power of this strange vehicle was electricity, which was generated in a battery fitted beneath the body of the carriage. By means of powerful currents of electricity a crank was turned which set the wheels in motion, and, the concern being circular, would run backwards or forwards. A servant stood on the platform to control the battery and steer the carriage.

Mr. Flonatin examined this machine with considerable curiosity and surprise, for he had no idea as to the kind of conveyances these strange people might use, and the application of electricity in such an ingenious way excited his admiration.

As he had not yet forgotten his upper world customs, he was about to hand the Princess in; but she looked at him with astonishment and said, ---

"I trust I am too much of a lady to enter a carriage before a male. You should remember that women in this country always give way to the weaker sex."

Flin could scarcely help smiling at the girl's arrogance, but he made no reply and allowed her to assist him in. When he was seated she sprang lightly after him, and the coachman drew some elegant curtains, which were suspended from a light framework round the vehicle, thereby secluding the occupants from the gaze of the vulgar.

"May I inquire, madam," said Flin, when they were seated, "if all your vehicles are built upon this principle?"

"Nearly all. We have some which are used out of the town which are propelled by means of compressed air acting upon an enclosed sail. But they travel so rapidly that we do not allow them to come into the streets. They are used chiefly to carry passengers and goods to distant parts."

"Then I presume you have no horses."

"Horses! horses! Whatever kind of things are they?"

Mr. Flonatin pitied her for her ignorance, but he did not like to be rude, and so he explained that horses were four- legged animals, and were extremely useful in the upper world.

"I never heard of such beings," the Princess replied. "The only animal we use as a draught animal, and then only for heavy loads, is the anoplotherium."

"Bless my life, is it possible?" cried Flin in amazement. "Why, we have always looked upon the anoplotherium as an extinct animal. Occasionally his fossil remains have been found in our country, but a living specimen would arouse the interest and enthusiasm of the whole scientific world."

"Why, what a funny place your country must be to be sure," the Princess observed with, as Flin thought, just a touch of irony in her tone; though, as it is scarcely possible that a Princess of the royal house of Gubmuh could have been guilty of anything like rudeness to a gentleman, he may have been mistaken in so thinking.

"As you are so favoured with regard to the Anoplotherium," Flin remarked, "it is possible you have also the menopome here."

The Princess smiled.

"Why, of course we have," she replied; "whatever do you think we should do without it? He is a most useful beast, I can assure you."

"Ah, possibly, possibly," said Flin, feeling a little incredulous, for the great salamander had ever been looked upon by him as a mythological reptile, but now he was actually in a place where it was utilised. "And may I inquire, madam, for what purpose these strange beasts are used?"

"Yes. In our great gold foundries, where there is much heavy work, the menopome is taught to carry massive beams and girders into the furnaces. The gold is placed on the backs of a couple of the beast, which, when loaded, crawl into the furnaces, and then wait until the metal gets sufficiently hot for whatever process it has to go through, when they bring it out again."

"Wonderful, wonderful," cried Flin enthusiastically, and finding it very hard to bring himself to believe that such a thing was possible. He almost felt inclined to clap his hands with joy as he made notes of these wonders. "By the way, my dear Princess," he said suddenly, and in his enthusiasm quite forgetting himself, "can you inform me what has been done with my vessel by which I arrived here?"

Instead of answering him directly her arm stole around his waist, and she drew him to her.

"Ah! speak to me again like that," she murmured; "to be called dear by you is so very nice."

"Really, madam, you have mistaken me," he stammered indignantly, and trying to disengage himself; but she held him firmly.

"Do not be so cruel," she whispered; "you have awakened within my breast a feeling of

devotion for you, and I shall hope yet to win your love, my pet. Nay, do not push me away. I am

sincere, let me not plead in vain, or I shall sigh myself away. Give me one word of hope and I will kneel at your feet and plead for a loving smile. Command me to travel the earth through and I will do it if you but wish it. I would even go to that awful region from which you say you have come."

"I --- I --- madam --- let me entreat you to be a little more decorous," Flin stammered, for he was utterly bewildered and ashamed. To be made love to by a female in such a manner was quite a novel experience, and though it might be the custom of the country which he was then in, he felt it was a custom he could not reconcile himself to, though he had no doubt that when one had become thoroughly used to it, it would be by no means unpleasant. "You should really make some allowance for my inexperience," he continued.

"Ah! sweet creature," she chimed in, "how ingenuous and innocent you are."

"I thought," he went on, "that such nonsensical language was confined to my own country, and even there only used by love-sick boys, whose proper place is at school, where they should be birched regularly and fed upon water gruel until they had learnt reason."

The Princess was by no means daunted. She exhibited much of that characteristic perseverance which is so marked in male lovers in our own country; and instead of feeling offended, she smiled sweetly, and snatching a kiss, which act caused Flin's face to become scarlet, even to the very roots of his few remaining grey hairs, she murmured, ---

"Sweet male, you are cruel, very cruel, but I shall still hope." She squeezed his hand, and would have kissed him again, but he repulsed her. And at this moment, much to his relief, the chariot stopped. The Princess jumped out, and then gave her hand to Flin. They were at the entrance to a magnificent building, the front of which was composed of polished gold, which apparently was the universal building material in Esnesnon. Princess Yobmot gave her arm to her companion, and then conducted him up a flight of very noble stairs, which were made from what seemed to be massive slabs of ruby glass.

"You were asking me, darling, about your funny little vessel,' she remarked."I should tell you that it is being exhibited in Doctor Yrekcauq's museum, and thousands of people flock to see it every day."

What heathens, Flin thought, but he did not say so. At the top of the landing a servant was waiting. He wore a huge wig, which hung right down his back, and Flin could scarcely keep from laughing, for the fellow looked such a guy, what with his short tail and long wig. He bowed almost to the ground as the Princess approached, and stared in stupid astonishment at Flin, so that he remarked, ---

"How very rude the fellow is to be sure."

"He has never seen such a handsome barbarian as you before, dear," she answered, and then motioned the servant to lead the way. This he did, until he stood before a large door, which he flung open, and in a stentorian voice announced, ---

"The Princess Yobmot, and the strange savage from the infernal regions."

Flonatin looked daggers at the fellow, and felt that it would have been a relief to his feelings if he could have kicked him downstairs. But the Princess only smiled, and led her blushing companion into a large apartment.

As the distinguished arrivals entered there was such a buzzing of voices as to be almost deafening, and Flin Flon was positively confused. It seemed like Babel, and as if hundreds of persons were trying to talk each other deaf. Ranged round a very long table were about seventy Esnesnon dames, and so the cause of the hubbub will be readily understood; and it will be further comprehended that amongst such a large gathering of ladies who had assembled together for the transaction of public business that there was a pretty considerable amount of jealousy and backbiting. As the Princess entered, all the ladies bowed and rose from their seats, and one lady,

whose summers and winters together would have made up a respectable sum of years, so large, in fact, that ill-natured people, especially expectant heirs, might have said of her that it was high time she got herself comfortably cremated. But, judging from her lusty lungs and apparent vigour, she had no intention of taking her departure for the upper world for some time, which was rather fortunate for the upper world, though there is strong reason to believe that she has since come to dwell amongst us, that is, assuming Mr. Ytidrusba's theory to be correct. This dear creature's name was Sregdorpittemmocaig (28), rather a sweet thing in names when pronounced quickly. Well, Mrs. (please take the name as written) rose and said, ---

"I vote Her Royal Highness takes the chair."

Which being duly seconded, and unanimously carried, the Princess took the chair accordingly, and having done so she proceeded to address the meeting as follows: ---

"I really had no intention, my learned sisters, to preside at your meeting to-day, but since you have done me the honour of voting me to the important office I cannot very well refuse. As you will perceive, I have taken the liberty of bringing a stranger and one of the softer sex here" (at this there was much laughter and a few groans. Flin still kept his face closely muffled in the shawl in accordance with the commands of the Princess, and many of the ladies had made desperate efforts to get a peep at the intruder, but without avail, for the disguise was effectual). "I know that this is not allowable according to our rules," the chairwoman proceeded, "but a point may very well be stretched in this case when I tell you that our visitor is no less distinguished a person that the poor barbarian who has arrived from goodness knows where." At this announcement there was intense excitement among the "learned sisters," and the buzzing recommenced, as everyone asked everyone else a dozen questions all at once, and in a manner that only a lady knows how to do. When order had been once more restored the Princess proceeded, "I thought that your interest would be aroused as soon as you were informed who the person was, and I venture to express a hope, ladies, that his presence will not be allowed to interfere with the transaction of our business. And for fear your attention may be too much distracted I think it will be better for the creature to keep his features concealed." "No, no, no" was the unanimous cry, "pray let us have a look at him." "Well, ladies, if you are so anxious to see him you shall, but I trust it will not cause you to neglect duty." Mr. Flonatin felt by no means comfortable. To have to stand the gaze of seventy pairs of feminine eyes, even though the eyes belonged to people who had tails, was a trial that the stoutest-hearted man would have shrunk from. It certainly taxed all his powers. But he was no coward and he made up his mind to face even this dreadful ordeal with that fortitude and endurance which were among his chief characteristics, and so at a signal from the Princess he threw off the disguising shawl, and like the Roman slave of old before the senators, he stood revealed in all his blushing beauty, and with a sweet smile on his genial countenance he bowed politely to the assembly. Then there broke out a buzzing which resembled nothing so much as numerous swarms of bees who were disputing possession of the bough of some tree.

But every now and then Flin was enabled to catch such sentences as, ---

"Isn't he good-looking?"

"Oh, what a duck!"

"What a charming little fellow, to be sure!"

"What a fine nose he has got!"

"And what a lovely mouth!"

"And such a noble head!"

"And only to think that such a dear fellow should be a savage. How very shocking, to be sure! "

These expressions of admiration did not escape the ears of the Princess, as was evident by the severe frown which contracted her brow. She thumped on the table with her rod of office rather vigorously; this rod of office looked to Flin like silver, but as a matter of fact it was platinum, a metal in common use throughout Esnesnon. But though the Princess thumped and thumped again with her rod, it was some time before she could restore order, for, alas! the tongues of seventy ladies having once got into full swing cannot be stopped suddenly as if they were steam engines. It requires a great deal of manoeuvring and tact to bring them to "dead slow" and then to "stop." But by dint of much hammering and repeated shouting her Highness at length succeeded in getting silence.

"Really, ladies," she observed, in a tone of anger, "this is unpardonable. I declare one would think you had never seen a male before. And miserable barbarian though this one is, you ought not to forget yourselves in such manner."

At this reproof many of the ladies turned up their noses in a rather indignant way, though they did not let the Princess see them, and many more whispered one to the other, ---

"The idea!"

"Did ever you know of such a thing?"

"The forward hussy, to speak to us like that!"

"I should like to pull her hair for her, so I should!"

"The brazen minx!"

"For a child like her to talk in such a manner is unpardonable."

But of course these expressions also were not allowed to reach the chairwoman's ears.

Again the Princess thumped upon the table with her rod, and the tongues ceased, though very reluctantly, for, like a large bell that has once been set swinging, there was a clang and a ding every now and then, although silence seemed to be restored.

At length, when the dear creatures had quite ceased, Mrs Sregdorpittemmocaig rose. (In dealing with this lady in future I shall take the liberty of leaving her name a blank, as it is a very terrible one to write, and I know I shall get into trouble with the printers.) This lady rose stern and grave, as became one of her age, and said, ---

"Your Royal Highness and ladies, as one of the oldest members of this board, I may be permitted to make a few remarks."

"What presumption, to be sure," whispered a rather good-looking young lady to her neighbour.

"Yes, indeed, the stupid old thing. Why doesn't she stop at home and look after her husband and children?" was the reply whispered back.

But, all unconscious of these loving remarks, the ancient dame proceeded, ---

"What I have to say will be very brief. I cannot but think that our beloved Princess was actuated by the best of motives in bringing this curious being here. But to be candid --- and those who know me know that I cannot be anything else ---; ("Oh, the wicked story-teller!" whispered another lady) --- I must say I think it was rather bad taste. We have much business to get through, but I am afraid that certain of the younger members of the board will neglect the business to stare at that idiotic-looking savage."

"Personal, personal," cried several voices.

"Why, the old wretch is jealous," whispered several more.

"I have no intention of being personal," Mrs ---- went on. "My friends know that personalities are about the last things I indulge in."

"Oh, oh!" from various quarters.

"These interruptions are unseemly, ladies, and I appeal to the chair lady to protect me from insult. Certain persons like to think themselves of importance when they are in reality nonentities."

"Names, names," cried several of the members.

"I refuse to mention names."

"Shame! shame! apologise."

"Really, ladies, I must interfere," said the Princess, thumping the table. "Such conduct is far from polite."

"I believe, your Highness, that she refers to me," cried a young lady, as she sprang to her feet. "And if she dares to make such a remark again I will scratch her face."

"I will box your ears for you, you minx," retorted Mrs ------.

"I should like to see you do it," cried the other one in a towering rage.

"You shall soon see me and feel me too, you young chit," sneered the amiable Mrs ------.

To what extent the quarrel might have gone there is no telling, had not her Highness rose and in a loud voice cried, ---

"I command silence. Otherwise I will leave the room. Such behaviour is really disgraceful." But in spite of this threat the two ladies continued to look daggers at each other, and it was some minutes before the young one could stop her tongue, for she was determined to have the "last word," even "if she died for it." But order at last being restored, Mrs ---- proceeded, ---

"I did not think, your Highness and ladies, that ever I should have lived to suffer such unmerited insult as has been thrust upon me this day. My length of service, unremitting attention to the interests of the board, and indefatigable zeal --- "

"Don't blow your own trumpet," from a voice at the end of the table.

"That person, I won't say lady, who has dared to interrupt me ought to know that self-praise is a thing I never indulge in. I am too upright in my conduct, too honest in my motives --- "

"Order, order, to business, sit down," were the cries which arose from all sides; but the charming Mrs ---- was by no means the woman to be talked out of her rights. She scowled at her fellow-members, and looked an incalculable number of daggers at the young maiden who had threatened to scratch her face.

A scene of indescribable confusion followed. All the seventy tongues commenced to jangle again, the ladies sprang to their feet, arms were waved menacingly in the air. Mutual recriminations, jeers, sneers, and tears, were frequently indulged in, and as Mr. Flonatin surveyed the scene in alarm he raised his eyes aloft, and breathed a fervent prayer that Providence would spare dear America from such a scourge as women's societies.

Chapter XXIV

I will not be so ungallant as to say that the fair members of the Society for the Protection of Men indulged in anything like a row, but I will say that for a time a wordy war waged, and if it is possible, by any stretch of imagination, for my peacefully-inclined readers to realise what would be the result of seventy feminine tongues suddenly let loose to talk against time, they will not be surprised to learn that Mr. Flonatin, old and experienced traveller though he was, turned pale and faint, and as he saw the seventy pairs of flashing eyes that were darting fire, and the seventy pairs of arms that were sawing the air, and the seventy pairs of lips moving with lightning-like rapidity, and seventy noses turned up in withering scorn, and seventy breasts heaving with the volcanic wrath which agitated their fair owners, I say as he saw these things he trembled, and wished himself safely back again with his old housekeeper in his snug dwelling at New York. The Princess Yobmot, noticing how agitated and alarmed he was, moved from her seat, and taking his hand led him to a couch and whispered, ---

"Don't be alarmed, dear. Although they make a terrible noise they are quite harmless." Then going back to her chair again she hammered the table in such a manner that the tongues began to move less vigorously, and when partial silence had been restored she exclaimed, in a stentorian voice, and in a manner that left no room for doubt that she was in earnest, "Ladies, ladies, ladies," repeating the word three times, and raising her voice each time, "this is absolutely disgraceful, and if you do not preserve order I will dissolve the meeting. I command you to be silent. Remember I am your King's daughter."

And there was silence, save for an intermittent outburst, that gradually grew fainter and fainter, like the mutterings of a dying thunderstorm. And at last the dear creatures commenced to smile, and the smiling was contagious, until the whole seventy faces were as bright as the radiant beams of the rising sun of the upper world. It was a glorious sight to behold.

Then the Princess, all smiles too, once more addressed the meeting.

"I am very much obliged to you, ladies, and now we will proceed to business."

Two of the young members here caused some slight interruption by having a dispute about some fashions which had appeared in the Esnesnon Fashion Guide, but the disturbance was quickly quelled, and harmony and good feeling prevailed --- that is, apparently, for what the true feelings of those seventy dear hearts were there are no means of knowing. A woman's heart is a profound and awful mystery. Even Mr. Flonatin is silent on the subject.

"The first business I have on the paper, ladies," said the Princess, "is the case of an unfortunate male who has been deserted by his wife. He is a mere youth, being but fifty years of age. He has two infants, aged seventeen and twenty respectively. They are both girls, and he applies to us to protect him and these babes from his wife, who may probably return and squander the property, and turn the father and children out. This seems to me to be a very deserving case, and I think we may safely pass a resolution to apply to the Court for the necessary protection order. It is very evident that this wife is a very worthless and bad woman, and the poor husband should be protected from her violence."

Some slight discussion here arose, but it was very short, and the resolution was put to the meeting and carried unanimously.

"The next case, ladies, is that of a youth aged forty, who was inveigled away from the legal guardianship of his parents by a young woman. She kept him a prisoner in a house in a low part of the town for some time, but he was subsequently turned out and sent home."

"What evidence is there, your Highness," asked a lady, "that this boy was taken away against his will?"

"According to the paper here there is the evidence of his parents, as well as his own statement. He says that he was not party. "

"Then I think it is a matter for our consideration," observed another lady. "I am sorry to say that cases of abduction of young men and boys is sadly on the increase, and should be dealt with a firm hand. It is really a disgrace to a civilised country like this that such things should be possible."

"I quite agree with your remarks," said the Princess; "I have been shocked of late to see the number of cases in the papers of young men who have been led away. It is terrible, indeed, and the severest punishment should be meted to any woman who is guilty of such a crime. It is high time that there was reform."

"Why doesn't she set an example?" simpered a blushing damsel to another blushing damsel on her left. "She is worse than anybody else in Esnesnon."

Fortunately this remark did not reach the Princess's ears, or it might have fared badly with the fair libeller.

"The next case," pursued the chairwoman, "is a very sad one indeed. It is that of a young male with several children, and for years he has laboured to support his family, while the wife has remained at home in idleness. The other day he came home, and his wife asked him for some currency, which he refused to give her, where-upon she commenced to beat him, knocking him down, breaking one of his arms, injuring an eye, and his tail, and otherwise maltreating him, and rendering him incapable of pursuing his occupation. He applies to us to enable him to get a separation from the woman, so that he may live in peace and follow his calling for the benefit of his children without interruption. It does occur to me, ladies, that this is a most pitiable case. This poor young male has been struggling for years to support his dissolute wife and his children respectably. But his efforts have been useless, and he has repeatedly been most severely beaten and maltreated. I hope you will be able to pass a resolution to meet the young man's wishes."

"What is his occupation, your Highness?" asked a member.

"He is a public chariot-driver; very hardworking and steady. But his earnings are barely sufficient even to supply necessaries."

Here Mrs ---- rose up suddenly. Her face wore an unusual look of sternness.

"I must oppose this application," she said.

A roar of laughter greeted the announcement, but, unmindful of the interruption, the lady proceeded , ---

"I repeat that I oppose the application, on the grounds that a male who drives a public conveyance cannot be a respectable person." ("Oh, oh!" and cries of "Shame!")

"Somebody cries 'Oh!' and 'Shame!' but I may be permitted to say that I have made a study of the whole race of chariot-drivers, and have had as much experience of them as anyone in Esnesnon." (Loud laughter.)

"You may laugh as much as you like, ladies, but I assert fearlessly that my experience has been bitter. You are aware that scarcely a week passes but what I have to summon one or other of these wretched people, male of female, for overcharging me."

"Why don't you keep a chariot of your own?" from a voice at the end of the table.

Mrs ----looked in the direction from whence it came, and had she recognised the owner of the voice at that moment it might have gone hard with the owner.

"I will not notice that insulting question further than by saying that the reason I don't keep my own chariot is entirely my own business. I choose to patronise the public vehicles in the public interest; and the single handed war which I have so long waged against these chariot-driving sharks ought to have earned for me the public esteem and support, instead of ridicule and contempt. My disinterested exertions --- "

"Humbug," from a lady.

"Who says that I am a humbug?" roared Mrs ---- but no answer was forthcoming, and so she continued: "I repeat that my disinterested exertions --- "

"Twaddle," from a little woman at the extreme end of the room, opposite the speaker.

The veins in Mrs ----'s forehead were dangerously distended, and her countenance was a pea green. So great was her wrath that she could not find words, or rather the words rushed to her lips in such numbers that her tongue could not move fast enough; but presently she managed to stammer, ---

"Who dares to accuse me of talking twaddle? Let the wretch stand up and repeat it, and I promise her such a boxing of the ears as she has never before experienced. Who is the culprit? I call upon her to stand out, and if not I brand her as a coward and a --- "

"Order!" cried the chairwoman, just in time to stop Mrs ---- from saying something very naughty.

"You may well cry order," remarked Mrs ---- sarcastically, "but why don't you keep the other members in order? I am always being insulted. I am one of the most amiable and peacefully-disposed members at the board --- (loud and derisive laughter) --- but I have to put up with more insults than anyone else. It is too bad, that it is. Who is the wretch who said I talked twaddle? Why does she not speak?"

But the culprit showed no signs of declaring herself, and so Mrs sneered, ---

"She may well keep silent, the miserable minx. It would be better if she were to stay at home and keep the dwelling clean, instead of coming here to interrupt a lady."

"Mrs ----, I call you to order," cried the Princess, rising suddenly and banging the table with her rod. "You shall not indulge in such personalities in my presence. It is really disgraceful, and this board is getting quite a reputation for squabbling. You will please to confine your remarks to the business before the meeting; and any personal quarrel you may have with any member you must settle elsewhere."

"This is too bad, that it is, I declare," exclaimed Mrs ---- bursting into tears. At least she drew forth a large handkerchief which was made from asbestos and buried her face in it, and between hysterical sobs she managed to stammer, "I am a most ill-used and persecuted woman, that I am. Everybody is against me, and yet I never quarrel with anyone, and always carefully avoid saying anything that is calculated to give offence. It is shameful, so it is, and it is seriously affecting my health. I can't stand it. I will resign, that's what I'll do."

("Hear, hear," from all parts.)

In an instant Mrs had dried her tears, and was looking round defiantly at her tormentors.

"No doubt," she said, "many of you would be delighted if I were to do that, but I won't. You shall not have the satisfaction of saying you drove me from the board."

"Mrs ---- ," roared the Princess, "I will dissolve the meeting if you do not confine yourself to business."

"Very well," answered the lady, "but permit me to say, your Highness, that you might show me a little more consideration, even though the young members of the board know no better. But to return to the subject, though I may mention that if anyone else is vulgar enough to interrupt I shall treat them with profound contempt. With reference to the case of this chariot-driver ---- though I may first parenthetically remark that if I am insulted again I shall consult my woman-of- law ---- I say that this male is not deserving of our support. I would just pause for a moment to remark that I shall write to the editor of the Gazette and complain of the treatment I met with here. A male who drives a public vehicle cannot be other than a worthless vagabond. Just one caution to those ladies who treat me with such marked disrespect. I shall in future provide myself with a whip, and shall not hesitate to use it. But to return to this chariot-driver. I cannot support his application. He is unworthy of any consideration. I confess that I don't like chariot-drivers, they are as objectionable to me as vermin. I like to prosecute them, torment them. I should like indeed to improve them off the face of our beautiful world, which they only serve to befoul. I therefore oppose this application."

"Upon what grounds?" asked the Princess.

"On the grounds of his being a chariot- driver."

"Have you no other reason?"

"None whatever."

"You don't know the male personally?"

"No."

"Nor anything against his personal character?"

"No. But he is a chariot-driver, and that is sufficient."

"There I differ from you. It is not sufficient for us to merely consider what his occupation is. The fact of his being a male, and subject to ill treatment at the hands of his wife, ought to arouse our tenderest sympathies, and I hope, ladies, those sympathies will not be withheld. It is ever woman's duty to protect her weaker brother, and personal animosity ought not to be allowed to stand in the way of our doing our duty."

"I beg to correct your Highness," growled Mrs ----  . "I have no personal animosity --- "

"We will proceed to vote, ladies," said the Princess, with supreme contempt for the speaker. "I regret that I have no person ---; "

"Vote, vote."

"You shall hear me. I have no --- "

"Vote, vote"

"Sit down."

"I sha'n't sit down. I have --- "

"Silence, order!"

"I won't be silent, I won't keep order," shrieked the irascible lady. "I --- "

But the rest of her sentence was drowned by the roar of voices which hailed the declaration that the vote had been carried with only one dissentient. The chairwoman now announced that the business was concluded, and so the meeting broke up, and then once more the seventy tongues were set in violent motion. And as the ladies put on their shawls and wished each other good- bye there was as much kissing and shaking of hands as if all these dear creatures were angels inhabiting a peaceful Eden. And Mrs ----  was profuse in her compliments to this lady for the elegant cut of her robe, and to that one for the simple yet refined manner in which she dressed her hair. And the good- natured soul kissed and shook hands just as though she was in earnest, and then she invited several of her dear friends to a quiet little Scantonguedal drinking party. Scantonguedal is a favourite beverage with the fair sex in the inner world. It is made from a peculiar grain that grows there, and its effect is to exhilarate and induce a freedom of expression which enables the dear creatures to speak about their friends without any sense of responsibility or restraint. On that account the ladies are much given to indulgence in it.

Chapter XXV

When Dr. Yrekcauq heard that his plans had been defeated by a stroke of diplomacy on the part of his rival Ytidrusba, he was naturally very much annoyed, for he could not bear defeat of any kind. While such a defeat as this was certainly a crushing one.

The intelligent and discerning reader --- and it is pleasant to think that there are none but intelligent and discerning readers --- will long ere this have discovered that King Gubmuh was a weak, if not an impotent monarch, and that the responsibility of governing such a vast state of Esnesnon devolved in reality upon the great men Ytidrusba and Yrekcauq; and though they might have differences, they arose pure and simply from the earnestness with which each gentleman tried to do his duty. Both saw that the King was a mere puppet, and in endeavouring to guide him the right way it must not be thought that they had any self-interested motives. Oh, dear, no! Such a supposition would be the very height of absurdity. They were statesmen, you see.

Doctor Yrekcauq knew that the national exchequer was in a state bordering on bankruptcy, and the arrival of such a curiosity as Flin offered an unusual opportunity to raise revenue. Of course Yrekcauq might have been actuated by some personal feeling, as he and Ytidrusba had long struggled for supremacy, and any advantage gained by one was zealously resented by the other. The fact is, the two great men belonged to exactly opposite schools, and the theories of Ytidrusba were contemptuously snubbed by Yrekcauq, and vice versa, though both, under the guise of that savoirfaire, as we should say, which should ever distinguish leading men, endeavoured to hide the hatred they bore each other, and which rankled in their breasts. Be that as it may, Yrekcauq was unquestionably very bitter. It was said that he had been one of the most servile of courtiers, and a sort of lickspittle at Court. But of this, of course, there is no accurate information. The statement herein made is based entirely upon mere hearsay, and so much be received with caution. However, when he saw that his opponent had gained such an ascendancy over him, he placed his resignation in the hands of his Majesty's secretary, and immediately two "parties" were formed. The one, which may be called the Yrekcauqites, supported by the Anti-Humbug News; and the other, the Ytidrusbaites, represented by the Gazette. Amongst the former, one of the staunchest, and certainly the loudest, opponents of the Government was Mrs Sregdorpittemmocaig. This prettily-named lady had conceived the most intense dislike for Flin Flon, and it is possible she was the only lady who had ever done this. Why she should have shown so much enmity it is difficult to tell, though it was hinted that she was jealous of the Princess, and would like to have appropriated Flin herself. But not being able to do this, and being peculiarly splenetic, she allied herself to the opposite faction, and poured out her vials of wrath, which were peculiarly vitriolic. She flooded the News with articles from her pen; and while, ostensibly, she attacked the distinguished traveller, it did not need half an eye to see that she had a grievance, and she took this opportunity to air it. As a specimen of this strong-minded lady's style the following article from her pen, which appeared in the Esnesnon News, will not be without interest. It will be observed that the virulence could scarcely be surpassed even by certain American papers, and the only wonder is that the News should have opened its columns to the contributions of a lady whose mind was so visibly inflamed. This is the article, which is in the form of a letter and was addressed to the editor: ---

"It has generally been supposed that our government of Esnesnon would bear favourable comparison for wisdom and impartiality with any government either in this or any other world, if there are any other worlds. We have hitherto boasted that we were the most civilised, most learned, most enlightened, and most refined people in existence, but, alas! this has been a pleasant dream from which we have been rudely awakened, and I fear that it must to our shame be admitted that, after all, we have not reached the point of perfection upon which we have prided ourselves, and that we are simply living in a state of moral darkness. Had the nation been told a little while ago that the unexpected arrival amongst us of a deformed, inexpressibly ugly and tailless savage, who in appearance would not bear comparison with some of our loathsome animals, would have caused such a change at Court, and even amongst the people the assertion would have been looked upon as monstrously ridiculous, but we are suddenly shaken from our torpor to find that the very base of our Governmental fabric is rotten, and the Court itself full of corruption. This is a sad confession, but its truth is too glaring to be glossed over. The King has proved himself to be no longer fit to reign over a great and free people, and in the name of that people I call upon him to abdicate. Not the least of the causes why he should do this, apart from his recognition of this horrid barbarian, is his constant refusal to recognise my petitions for a reform in our public chariot laws." (This was the lady's favourite hobby, and she never lost an opportunity of riding it.) "This is a subject, as the public are well aware, to which I have devoted some of the best years of my life --- a life, in fact, that has disinterestedly been devoted to the public welfare. Petition after petition have I sent up to his Majesty, and from a careful calculation I estimate that for these petitions I have used one and a-half tons of paper, two tons of ink, and have spent twenty years in writing them. Surely such perseverance as this might have met with better recognition at his Majesty's hands. But I have reason to think that my papers have ever been kept back by the miserable, cringing, dust-eating toadies who swarm around the throne, and are ready at any moment to sacrifice their dignity, their manliness, their dearest friends even, for the sake of a royal smile. Such filthy servility makes one shudder for the safety of the high-souled honour which has hitherto distinguished our males. Our chariot laws are a disgrace; and though 'reform' has ever been my watchword and battle-cry, reform has never come, and we poor citizens are still left to groan under the barbarous yoke of these spawns of venomous reptiles --- the chariot- drivers. Citizens! I ask when is this to end? When are these vile poison-breathing vipers, the drivers, to be swept from the face of our fair earth? I call upon you to arise and annihilate them. Royalty has turned a deaf ear to our prayers. It is useless to any longer look for help from that quarter. We must help ourselves. We must rise strong and determined, and show those in office that we, the enlightened, the brave, the noble, the highly civilised citizens of this fair land are not to be treated as if we were born slaves. Reform ---;Reform --- Reform --- is my cry. Brave women throughout the length and breadth of the land rally round my standard, the standard of freedom. Let us demand our rights from the King, who is simply the puppet of miserable cringing males. We should have a woman on the throne, women at the Court. Let Parliament take the matter up vigorously. Let them call upon his Majesty to abdicate in favour of his daughter, and then indeed will our day of glory have arrived. Then shall we see the loathsome race of drivers exterminated, as we should exterminate any other foul and obnoxious insects. We shall no longer be charged double fares. We shall no longer have to stand at our doors and wrangle with the vermin for the sake of a paltry sum, which we now dispute on the highest of principles --- the principle of right, of truth, of justice. Not for myself do I battle. My disinterestedness and retiring disposition are too well known. But in the name of our weak brethren I cry aloud for freedom. Gentlemales should be able to travel in comfort and security without being liable to be taken advantage of when unprotected by a lady. These execrable and foul toads, the chariot-drivers, should no longer have it in their power to overcharge us; they should no longer be able to insult every helpless male who is forced from necessity to avail himself of the public vehicles. They should no longer be allowed to sneer at and insult us when we offer them their bare fare. They should no longer be allowed to refuse to carry me whenever they happen to recognise me. If I have prosecuted them it has been in the public interest. I have fought tirelessly and unflinchingly in the good cause, and I venture to think that I have earned well of my country. Arise, brave countrywomen; arise and strike for freedom. Bring down the iron-shod heel of Liberty on the back of the Hydra-of-Imposition and crush it. Grind it into the earth. Annihilate the odious, filthy monstrosities, public chariot-drivers, and then indeed will peace and goodwill be amongst us. We demand free chariots. Their drivers should be supported by the State. The time shall come when there shall no longer be a charge for being conveyed through the public streets. Let us hasten that blessed time. We groan and sweat under the tyranny of the drivers. They are a bane and a curse in the land. Is our bread dear? it is owing to the drivers. Is our fuel outrageous in price? it is owing to the drivers. Is meal beyond the reach of the poor? it is owing to the drivers. Is our army degenerated? it is owing to the drivers. Are our courts corrupt? it is owing to the drivers. Is our national exchequer empty? it is owing to the drivers. In short, these demons of darkness are the root of all evil. They have made us slaves. They are pestilential blots upon the face of our fair land. Banish them to the infernal regions above, where only are they fit to dwell. From this hour let us never rest until we have got our rights. Let our voices be heard in the busy day as well as in the silent night. Let us shriek from the house tops, from the street corners, from the public platforms, from the courts of justice, or rather injustice, and let us never cease shrieking." (God help the peaceful citizens, thought Flin, as he read these lines. If this dreadful woman was to carry out her threat and never cease shrieking, it would be a blessing if doomsday were to arrive. He knew certain ladies in America who were somewhat given to shrieking, and who wanted to reform everything and everybody and build a new world, but then they did not shriek ceaselessly. Sometimes their tongues got tired and they stopped. But in Esnesnon, where woman ruled, her tongue seemed to be even more pliable than her upper-world sisters, and that was saying a great deal. To be subjected to the ceaseless shrieking of strong-minded women was so unutterably horrible that the seven plagues of Egypt must have been rather nice by comparison). "Send me to Parliament," continued the nobly constituted and gentle, dove-like Mrs ---- , "send me to Parliament. Make me the champion of your rights. I will battle in your behalf for freedom. No longer shall you groan under the curse of chariot-drivers; you shall have everything for nothing, and be able to do as you like. Agitate! agitate! agitate! This must be our rallying cry until we have swept away those barriers which separate us from that long-looked- for and happy time when woman shall reign supreme in the land, and the whole race of miserable, helpless males shall be taught to know their place, and not aspire as they do now to offices that they are totally incompetent to fill. Once more I say, send me to Parliament, and than I promise such things shall be done that males shall tremble and women shall rejoice. The Court shall be entirely reconstructed. It shall no longer be sullied by the helpless imbecility of such men as Ytidrusba, whose vanities are sufficient to fill our lunatic asylums with patients. A woman on the throne, women in Parliament, women only at Court, women only in the council chamber, and then, then indeed will the long- foretold time of eternal and universal peace have dawned upon our fair land. Help me to bring about this desired end, and I promise that until our rights have been obtained my tongue shall never cease to be heard day or night.

"SREGDORPITTEMMOCAIG."

As Flin read this he sighed, and thought that a universal prayer-meeting should be called in Esnesnon to offer up prayers that the unfortunate citizens might be saved from the awful threat of this dreadful lady. For her tongue to be kept going day and night would be an infliction that would surpass all the diabolical tortures that were ever invented for the inhabitants of Hades.

But Flin's alarm on behalf of the Esnesnons was unnecessary. They were pretty well used to the gentle creature, and simply smiled as she shrieked herself hoarse, for experience had taught them that she was all bark and no bite. She had long been the bane of the unfortunate chariot-drivers' lives; she had persecuted them with relentless hatred until it had come to be a saying that the sight of one of the detested race made the amiable lady rabid.

On the other hand, if she hated the drivers, they returned the compliment, and they had banded themselves together to protect their interests from the repeated attacks of the lady. So that there was a constant war being waged in Esnesnon between Mrs ----  and the drivers. To a foreigner this state of affairs seemed incredible. It was hard to believe that in a country which boasted of its pre-human civilisation such a thing should be tolerated. Mr. Flonatin felt sure that even in darkened England, to say nothing of his own beloved and enlightened country, such a person as Mrs ----  would soon be popped into a straight jacket, and allowed to howl herself hoarse in the padded room of a lunatic asylum. But then Esnesnon was not America nor England. It was a peculiar country, to say the least of it, and they were curious people too who dwelt there. Prehuman they might truly be said to be since --- according to Mr Flonatin's notions --- they had not reached that stage of civilisation which even the most unenlightened of upper world people enjoyed. In fact, he could not help thinking that it was a veritable land of lunatics. And when his own countryman had fixed the locality of the infernal regions in the centre of the earth they had not gone very wide of the mark.

The violent letter of Mrs ----  which appeared in the News caused some little excitement amongst the faction which she led. And it called forth an equally abusive article in the Gazette, in which it was asked: ---

"How long is the peace of the land to be disturbed by the horrible howling of this mad-brained creature? When are the peaceful subjects to be protected from the seditious ravings of this hag? When are the unfortunate and long-oppressed drivers to be relieved of this terrible virago who has pressed upon them like a horrid incubus? When is this desperate and unprincipled woman's tongue to be bridled? The time has arrived when something must be done. Man has groaned too long under the iron sway of feminine rule, rendered the more galling and the more unendurable by this person's ceaseless shriekings, which have been heard for the last hundred years. It is time that man should now assert his independence. He must arise and make his voice heard from the four corners of our land. And the first step gained towards this sighed-for freedom will be the downfall of Mrs ---- . The King must be protected from her insults. And so far from the citizens sending her to Parliament they should send her to an asylum. Every woman in Parliament should, for the honour and glory of her beautiful country, feel that it was a sacred duty she owed to pass a bill making it an unlawful offence to talk as this person has talked. And until this is done our boasted freedom will be but a mockery, for women have made us slaves. Under their merciless sway we have been compelled to grovel in the dust. We have been humiliated before our children, and our hearts could scarcely be called our own. This state of things must no longer be allowed to continue. The end must be hastened, for it is our firm belief that man was never intended to be a woman's slave. Parliament should be constituted of an equal number of males and women. And only when this is done will many of the evils now complained of be remedied."

The paper war was carried on day after day for a considerable time, but like all such wars there was a great deal of noise and not much harm. The poor old King did sometimes tremble in his sandals a little as he heard the uproar, and there were moments when he felt tempted to abdicate, so that his daughter might ascend the throne and he himself be relieved of the cares of State. But he had a few faithful advisers around him who counselled him to hold out bravely and never show the white feather. Amongst these counsellors Ytidrusba was the loudest and most persevering. He positively hated Mrs. ----  and perhaps no one more than himself had groaned so deeply under feminine rule. His wife was particularly strong-minded, and half inclined to enlist under the rebel standard of Sregdorpittemmocaig. She kept her husband in a state of feverish suspense, and almost a state of poverty, for though she had a large income of her own she barely allowed him sufficient for his personal necessities. Though his office at Court was worth but little, and that little, owing to the state of the nation exchequer, had not been paid for a long time, this was shocking condition of things, and Flin could not help but think that the system of government was rotten to the foundation; and furthermore, he was daring enough to think that this was entirely due to the freedom which women there enjoyed. But though he thought this he had sufficient discretion to keep it to himself, as he was in a land where the power of woman was absolute, and he trembled to think what the consequences might be if he had ventured to open his lips in support of suffering man.

He could not refrain, however, from sympathising deeply with Mr. Ytidrusba, for whom he entertained considerable liking. He pitied him from his heart, and felt inclined to make an attempt to get more consideration shown to him by his wife, for Ytidrusba had made a confidant of him. Not without much misgiving and some inward trembling did the old magician hear the proposal; but Flin's argument, that he as a foreigner would in all probability be able to make an impression on Mrs. Ytidrusba, was considered a good one, and Mr. Ytidrusba told Flin that if he liked to take all the responsibility on his own shoulders he might venture to talk with the lady, but under no circumstances, and as he valued his life, was he to tell Mrs. Ytidrusba that her husband knew anything of the matter. This was agreed to, and it was arranged that Flin should lose no time in seeing Mrs Ytidrusba, and the result of that interview will be duly chronicled in the next chapter.

Chapter XXVI

In undertaking to see Mrs. Ytidrusba and endeavour to work upon her feelings, so that the husband's position might be ameliorated, Mr. Flonatin was actuated by the broadest of philanthropic motives, and the fears of Mr. Ytidrusba that such an interview could scarcely fail to lead to unpleasantness Flin laughed at. He had always been used to see woman in her proper station, and the idea of her ruling and keeping man in a state that was only one degree removed from serfdom was so contrary to all his ideas that he could not realise it, and thought that such a condition could only be due to the want of some proper manly feeling on the part of the male sex in Esnesnon. Under these circumstances he believed he was perfectly justified, in the interest of his sex, to try and emancipate Esnesnon from feminine rule, and that by beginning with Mrs Ytidrusba the thin edge of the wedge would be got in. Nor did he, on consideration, anticipate much difficulty. He had hitherto flattered himself that he possessed considerable influence over ladies. This was certainly the case in his own country, where the dear creatures worshipped him, but like most travellers he was inclined to judge every other nation by his own standard. He went into a strange country. He saw new customs, new ideas, new systems, new beliefs, and because they were new and strange to him, he at once made the common error of imagining that they must be ridiculous because they were unlike those he had been used to.

In saying this much I hope it will not be thought that I am supporting Esnesnon against Mr. Flonatin. Far from that. But I am strongly desirous of being impartial, and I know that the error into which our traveller fell is such a common one with all persons who go out of their own country, that I feel that something ought to be done to correct it. If anyone were to travel to the moon, and discover that the inhabitants of the planet walked upon their heads instead of their feet, he would not be justified in returning here and reporting that the lunar orb was peopled by lunatics, as the peculiar custom would no doubt be suited to the peculiar country.

It will be readily understood that unused, poor fellow, as he was to female rule, Mr. Flonatin could not help looking with contempt upon the male population. He had not been ground under the iron of wifely rule, and therefore it would have been difficult to have imagined anyone less qualified for the task he had set himself. But though Ytidrusba cautioned him of the risk he ran, he only laughed, and seemed to treat it as a good joke, for he imagined petticoat government to be the very height of absurdity.

Unfortunately for him at this time the Princess Yobmot was away, as she had gone to a far distant part of the country on some political business in connection with her father's Court. And before going she had given Ytidrusba strict injunctions to take every care of Flin, or, as she playfully called him, her little sweetheart. The magician was therefore very reluctant to give his consent to Flin's scheme, but the latter ultimately overcame the old man's scruples, and it was arranged that Flin should see what he could do with Mrs. Ytidrusba. This lady was a power in the land. Her influence at Court was immense, and in the Parliament her voice was, perhaps, one of the loudest and strongest. This is to be taken in a moral sense, for, physically, her voice was rather weak and decidedly squeaky.

The day fixed for the interview came at last, and Mr. Flonatin was ushered into the great lady's presence, who received him with frigid dignity, not altogether unmingled with contempt. She was a woman of very commanding presence, towering far above Flin in height; and if she ever had possessed anything like beauty, it had long ago faded out, and left nothing but a sour, crabbed look. As the distinguished traveller entered the room he bowed very low indeed. The lady returned his bow by a very stiff movement, and then, raising a large diamond magnifier to her eye, she examined her visitor curiously, and it was evident that she only refrained from bursting into a loud laugh with the greatest difficulty. Mr Flonatin was, of course, very much annoyed, and he states that he cannot imagine what she could possibly have found either to laugh at or stare at, and he could only pardon her rudeness on the ground that she was an utter barbarian.

The lady was the first to speak.

"Well, my funny little fellow," she remarked, with a good deal of sarcasm, "and what is your pleasure?".

Flin's face went very red. He thought that this marked disrespect would have disgraced even the most vulgar and the lowest-bred female in his own country. Moreover, he could not imagine why she addressed him as a "funny little fellow." He had never in his life had the slightest pretensions to funniness. Comicality was out of his line. He was a thoughtful, grave, scientific man. This was evidenced by the total disregard he had for anything like dandyism. In fact, he had been in the habit of looking upon that man who paid much attention to dress as decidedly effeminate; and, therefore, he was considerably exercised in his mind to know in what way he was "funny." Possibly Mrs Ytidrusba would speedily have given a reason for so addressing him, had she been requested to do so. For we cannot always see ourselves as we are seen by others. However, Flin managed to keep down his choler, but he was strengthened in his purpose to use every endeavour to awaken the male sex of Esnesnon to a sense of their utter degradation and to incite them to revolt against the feminine rule. As a stranger in the new world, this was, to say the least, a very dangerous resolve; and it is more than probable that had he been better acquainted with the fearful risks he would run, he would have shrank from the danger. But it was this very ignorance that made him bold. The heart does not fear the danger it knows naught of. And this was Mr Flonatin's case. Moreover, he was desirous of serving his friend Ytidrusba, and this desire gave him courage. He bowed to the lady once more, and was about to offer her a seat, when she put out her hand, and, taking his, led him to a couch.

"And so you are the singular being who has come from some horrible and nameless region," she observed, as she applied a handkerchief highly scented with some powerful and peculiar scent to her nose, which was exceedingly large. "Well, I must say you are a perfect natural curiosity."

"I may be permitted to set you right on one point, madam," Flin replied. "The region I have come from is neither nameless nor horrid. I have the honour to hail from America, and I am thoroughly American in blood, in sympathies, in ideas, in --- "

"Why, bless me, how curiously you talk, to be sure," interrupted the lady. "You are very bold and forward, too, for a male, who ought to be retiring and bashful."

"There I beg to differ from you, my dear madam."

"Tut, tut," cried the lady. "Why, I declare this is positively shocking."

"If you will graciously listen to me for a few minutes, madam, I think we shall be able to understand each other better," remarked Flin firmly, and in a tone that, had the lady had any perception, ought to have convinced her that Mr. Flonatin was by no means an ordinary man. But, unfortunately, the lady had no perception. In fact, it is doubtful if any of the Esnesnonites were gifted in this way. Their intellects, such as they were, would seem to have been much clouded, and only such things as directly affected their own interests struck them with any force.

Mrs Ytidrusba was evidently much astonished. To be talked to in such a manner by a male was something so extraordinary for Esnesnon that she opened her eyes in a manner that plainly indicated her profound amazement. She raised her diamond glass to her eye, and stared at Flin as though she was microscopically examining some wonderful and singular insect. Perhaps she did think so.

"Un-der-stand each other," she said, when she was tired of staring, and drawling the world out.

"That is what I said, madam," Flin answered, by no means abashed, though greatly annoyed, for his pride was wounded. "I beg to explain that in my beloved country the men rule and not the ladies."

"Oh, gracious!" exclaimed Mrs Ytidrusba, sniffing at her scent as though the very idea was horribly repugnant. "What a barbarous country, to be sure."

"So far from being a barbarous country, I assure you it is the most enlightened on the face of the earth. The only cares which a lady has are the cares of her own household, and even there she is subject to her husband's sway."

"Oh, what poor, miserable, degraded creatures they must be," said Mrs Ytidrusba.

"On the contrary, madam, the American ladies are noted for their liveliness, their general happy dispositions, and their entire freedom from anything like servility."

"You extraordinary being, do talk sense," exclaimed Mrs Ytidrusba, petulantly. "How is it possible for women to be anything but the vilest and most grovelling of slaves if they have to acknowledge the rule of men?"

"That is a rule that will better apply the other way. Man is by nature endowed in a manner which peculiarly qualifies him to be woman's protector her breadwinner, her ruler. His intellect is greater, his powers of endurance are greater. Woman in the senate, at the Bar, or in the professions, is out of place. And when once a woman quits her sphere she ceases to be a woman and becomes objectionable. In my country we surround woman with a halo of romance. She is the recipient of our loves, the keeper of our hearts, the guardian of our children, the ornament of our homes. We place her on a pedestal, as it were, and worship her beauty, respect her feelings, treat her with tenderness, but I guess, madam, we keep her in her proper place in the States, you bet we do."

"Oh, you humbug, you miserable barbarian," exclaimed Mrs Ytidrusba, passionately. "How dare you sit there and tell me such monstrous fictions, and expect me to believe them? If there be even a grain of truth in what you say I cannot conceive any beings more utterly degraded than are your wretched women. They must be lost to every sense of dignity, of nobleness, of freedom."

"That is a point I cannot concede you, madam," Flin remarked, determined not to lose one inch of ground. "All that you say with respect to our women may be applied with tenfold force to your men. May I venture to cite your husband as an example? He is gifted, intellectual, studious and farseeing, but he would be an infinitely better man if he was not subject to petticoat government."

Mrs Ytidrusba almost shrieked with horror, but Flin, nothing abashed, continued, ---

"I say that if your husband occupied his proper sphere his mind would expand more as the responsibilities of his position increased. The greatest incentive for a man to labour, to aspire, to struggle for fame, and to fight for glory is the knowledge that on him woman depends. But reverse the order, and man becomes a mere machine, while the height that he might attain, if in his true station, can never be attained by her who assumes man's responsibilities, because nature has not fitted woman for the office." He paused to wipe his face, for he had grown a little warm with his enthusiasm, and it gave the pent- up fires of wrath which smouldered in the lady's breast an opportunity to burst forth.

"Well may it be said that you come from the regions of darkness," she cried, "for you have the daring that we ascribe to the fiends. But while I do not believe that you have come from any such place, I denounce you as an unmitigated humbug. A presumptuous, inflated, yet miserably insignificant fellow, who ought to be whipped through our streets until you have learnt to know your true position."

"Madam, this is strong language," Flin commenced, but the lady stamped her foot and cried passionately, ---

"Hold your tongue, sir, when I speak to you. We do not allow our males here to contradict us, nor would any male in all Esnesnon have had the audacity to talk to a lady as you have talked to me."

"Poor creatures," Flin muttered.

"Woman is infinitely superior to the other sex. She has beauty of form and beauty of mind. She is shrewd, far- seeing, cautious, quick-witted, has powers of discernment which man has not, and therefore is she adapted to rule. It is her mission to rule, and before I would see our privileges surrendered I would head an army of women to sweep the males off our earth."

"Shocking, shocking," Flin murmured.

"I tell you,' the lady continued, "that the woman who would consent to have man as a ruler is a wretched, degraded, lost creature, and deserving of a reptile's death."

Flin could restrain himself no longer. To be talked to in such a way by a female was almost more than flesh and blood could stand. Small though he was in stature, he had a mighty brain, and a big heart that swelled with love for all women, when women were women, and not men. So indignant did he feel that he allowed his valour to overcome his discretion, and rising excitedly he cried, ---

"Madam, the time has come for me to speak out boldly for the honour and credit of my sex. I will endeavour to emancipate your men from their slavery. I will teach them their true position. I will show them that it is their duty to burst their bonds, and I will set them an example how to rule. All my energies, all my strength of mind and body shall be devoted to the good cause of freeing your unfortunate men from their social degradation."

"Ah, traitor, traitor!" screamed Mrs Ytidrusba, in a towering passion, "this is treason, and your life will be forfeited." She crossed the room hurriedly, and beat upon a gong of gold twice. A servant appeared in answer to the summons. "A guard," she cried. The man bowed and withdrew. "We shall," she continued, "see whether you can come to our peaceful realm with you revolutionary ideas and endeavour to carry them our with impunity." The door opened, and a body of Amazons, armed with long pikes, marched in. "Secure this wretched being, and march him to the citadel," she said imperiously.

In an instant Flin was arrested. He offered no opposition, but said, as firmly as he was able, ---

"Madam, this outrage on an American subject will be avenged."

The excited lady waved her hand haughtily, and cried, "Away with him!" and Flin Flon was led away as a captive.

Chapter XXVII

The unexpected ending to his interview with Mrs. Ytidrusba considerably astonished Mr .Flonatin, though he had little time for reflection, as he was hurried down the stairs by the female guard, who placed him in a closed-up conveyance; and after being rapidly whirled through the streets, the vehicle stopped. He was told to alight. Then led up some broad steps, enclosed between high walls, and finally he was thrust into a dismal, dank and dark sort of dungeon.

Then, when he had recovered his breath, and his excitement had cooled a little, he muttered, ---

"Well, I little thought I was going to place my head into such a scorpion's nest. What a frightful Tartar that Mrs. Ytidrusba is, to be sure. I don't wonder at her unfortunate husband suffering. But the fact is, this is altogether a strange world, and I feel a difficulty sometimes in realising the fact that I am really awake. It is very horrible to contemplate what the power of a woman is when once she has succeeded in gaining the upper hand. Unfortunately for America there are but a few strong-minded ladies; they have never reached above a certain height, where, if they are left alone, they soon fall back again into oblivion. But here man is a nonentity --- a poor, simple, patient, long-suffering fool, domineered over by woman, crushed and ground out of all manly recognition. Alas, it is very sad!"

As soon as Flin's arrest became known, which it very speedily did, the excitement through Esnesnon was intense. For the power and influence of Mrs. Ytidrusba were well known, and it was also as well known that she was very jealous of any male who attempted to gain a position, and that Flin being a degenerated male, she was likely to be all the more incensed against him. Speculation was rife as to what the end would be. For anyone to attempt to revolt against the established rule was a most serious offence, and when proved against the person was generally punished with death, the victim having little bits cut out of him every day until he died.

The arrest also caused the newspaper war to rage fiercer than ever. The Gazette said that Flin, being a foreigner and under the protection of the King, ought not to be placed in prison. But the good-natured Mrs ----  in the News went perfectly frantic with delight. She yelled --- if the word be admissible, and really it is not inapropos to the lady's style --- I say she yelled with glee, and in a very strong article indeed on the subject she so mixed Flin up with the drivers, and the drivers with personal abuse of the King, that it was rather difficult for the calm and deliberate reader to tell exactly what she meant. But then it was not of much consequence. A bull, it is said, can never control its temper when it sees a red shawl, and this very excellent lady's nerves were just as sensitive to the sight of a driver. How this aversion had arisen, or why it had arisen, was hard to say. But it is pretty clear that, viewing it from our upper world point of view, she suffered from a monomania, and ought, poor thing, to have had her head shaved, and then been put in a large room, and on the principle of giving persons who suffer from dipsomania alcohol until it literally oozes out of them and they begin to loathe it, portraits of chariot-drivers might have been hung round the room on every inch of the wall. Even the ceiling and floor should have been covered with them, until the unhappy lady had become reconciled to the unfortunate race, and so a cure effected.

But in Esnesnon, where according to our ideas every body seemed mad, nothing of this kind was attempted, and the poor creature was allowed to rave and put her ravings in print unchecked. Of course in our own country such a state of matters would never be tolerated for a single moment. We have no lunatics excepting those who are confined within the walls of an asylum.

When Flin's arrest came to be known to the King his Majesty was exceedingly annoyed, but he was afraid to say much, for he was well aware of the influence Mrs Ytidrusba possessed. He had a positive dislike for her, but he, poor fellow, in common with all his sex, groaned under this petticoat rule. It is a lamentable fact that he was nothing more than a puppet, and only held his kingship by virtue of hereditary right --- a right that had been established in very distant ages. But the women had tried to abolish this right and make a law by which only a woman could be on the throne. In this they had not succeeded. But they made the King's life such a wretched one that his crown was truly a crown of thorns, and many a time he wished that he occupied the position of one of his poorest subjects. His court, his retinue, his ministers, his advisers, his guards, the keeper of the Privy Purse, were all women. The horror of such a position as this cannot be realised excepting by those who have been similarly placed. The privy purse was very strictly kept indeed, and the miserable King's pittance was doled out to him at the petticoated keeper's pleasure. And if at any time he ventured to enter a protest against the smallness of the sums he was allowed for his own private use, the keeper would appeal to the ministers, and the ministers would inform his Majesty that they considered him to be very extravagant, and that it was not safe to trust a male with money.

Now such a state of affairs as this would really be positively ludicrous were it not so sad. But our laughter must give place to pity, lest such a dire infliction should some day visit our own beloved country. It is true the King has been very vacillating and weak-minded. But alas! poor fellow, how could he help that? The ceaseless din of the female tongue would have turned a far stronger brain than his.

He, however, sympathised with Flin, and he sent one of his most trusted male courtiers to the prisoner with a message that he would do all he could to support him. Flin was grateful for this, for he felt that he had got into an awkward scrape, and the ending of the affair might be of such a nature as to prevent him carrying out his plans, and would in fact bring his interesting journey to a premature close.

Flin languished in gaol for some time. Nobody knew exactly what he was charged with, as there was much secrecy and mystery about the whole affair. But it was very well known that he was the victim of Mrs. Ytidrusba's jealousy and strong- mindedness. This lady's position of wife to a person holding such high office as Ytidrusba gave her immense power. In fact, the truth is that the husband found the brains, and his wife enjoyed all the influence, honour and emoluments of his labours. For in this woman-governed kingdom man was looked upon as a sort of useful animal, if a tight hand was kept over him, and he was made to know his place. And a very tight hand indeed was kept over him, so that the Esnesnon males had long sunk into a state of apathetic effeminacy, though at times their souls rose in rebellion against the tyranny exercised by the fair creatures. Some few bold spirits had even tried, by means of secret societies, to overthrow the ruling power and make man the master. But the system of Government espionage was so perfect that the conspirators were invariably detected while their plots were in embryo, and after a hurried trial they suffered a violent death, being strapped to the backs of menopomes, which were driven into thrice-heated furnaces.

The delay in Flin's case was caused by the red-tapeism of the officials. For alas! red-tapeism, even in Esnesnon, was a bugbear under which the unhappy citizens groaned. It was necessary for Mrs Ytidrusba to impeach the prisoner, and then for that impeachment to be thoroughly examined by the Government, for it must be remembered that this was looked upon as high treason. And the Government, with a false show of impartiality and justice, affected to be very scrupulous, and to give a prisoner who was charged with an offence for which his life was liable to be forfeited every opportunity to defend himself. But it was very much to be feared that this was all humbug, and that the true cause of delay in such cases arose from the difficulty which was experienced by the ladies in coming to anything like a unanimous agreement.

Some ill-natured and dyspeptic bachelor once said that after women had kissed each other a dozen times they always fell out. I should be very sorry to endorse such an obviously unfair verdict as this. Though, under cover of all reserve, I will remark that in my own country, whenever I see two ladies after five minutes' acquaintance kiss each other, and then address each other as "dear," I tremble for the consequences. I know what such signs presage. This being so here, some idea can be formed of the state of affairs in Esnesnon, where in Parliament there were ten hundred female members. During a debate, and when the benches were full, the Tower of Babel and the confusion of tongues must have been rather pleasant as compared with the Esnesnon Parliament.

And of course, amongst such a large number of ladies, there was necessarily considerable diversity of opinion. Each lady considered her own opinion to be infinitely superior to her neighbour's, and the consequences of such a state of affairs may be better imagined than described.

The Parliament was constituted on precisely the same principles as our own, with the exception that a general election took place every three years instead of seven, though at times there was an election much oftener than this. For the Government, though indulging in personalities, often forgot their public duties, and consequently fell into a state of inextricable confusion, and the result was that an appeal to the country had to be made. These appeals were frequent, and the excitement an election caused passeth all understanding. Every woman in Esnesnon considered herself highly qualified, both by nature and art, to sit in Parliament, and as there was universal suffrage, some idea may be formed of the unpleasantness of election time. The poor men were neglected. The unfortunate husband had to wash and dress the babies, cook the dinner, and perform other degrading and menial housework, while the wife went down to spout nonsense at the hustings (29); and that woman who did not get elected made rather a hot time of it for her husband until she, sweet creature, had cooled down from her excitement.

In the House of Parliament there were, as I have before stated, one thousand members. Think of that, reader! Ponder upon it, and thank goodness that our own country is saved from such an awful visitation. One thousand ladies all trying to speak at once. One thousand pairs of arms excitedly sawing the air. One thousand pairs of eyes flashing like burning coals, and one thousand tongues moving with the rapidity of lightning. It must indeed have been appalling. The gallery reporters, who reported the debates, were all women. One of the papers had tried the experiment of employing two or three males for a short time, as they were so much cheaper than women; but they all went mad, and died miserable deaths.

There was no House of Lords corresponding to our own, but there was an Upper House and Final Court of Appeal. This was composed of three hundred old ladies, who held the highest position in society, and the right to sit in the House was hereditary. There was not much business done in the House. It was a dreamy kind of place, for whereas their sisters in the lower chamber talked against time, these pleasant old dames chatted quietly, and dozed frequently with their handkerchiefs over their faces.

I have before mentioned that the King was a mere automaton. He could do nothing without the sanction of his Parliament.

He was allowed forty thousand chequers per annum by the nation. A chequer was made of tin, and was equivalent to our sovereign. Tin was an exceedingly valuable metal in Esnesnon, and gold was as common as tin is here. In fact, it seemed as if when the various forces of nature had contrived to dispose the minerals throughout the strata of the earth, they had concentrated the gold in the very centre, for here solid layers of metal ten and twelve feet thick were common. In fact, so common was gold that it was generally used for building purposes, as it was so much cheaper than stone. Precious stones were also common. The abounded everywhere, and as they made good and pretty pavements, they were generally used for this purpose in the houses of the better classes, while diamonds were so lavishly scattered about by nature that they were cut thin and used for window glass even in the poorest houses.

With these few necessary particulars I may return to Mr. Flonatin, who languished day by day in his prison in a state of misery and suspense, and though he addressed frequent petitions to the King, they did not ameliorate his condition, for reasons already explained. The King was powerless. Mrs. Ytidrusba was powerful and spiteful, and Parliament was long-winded.

The King's magician, however (Ytidrusba), did all he could for the prisoner unknown to Mrs. Ytidrusba. The governor of the prison was a young and rather good-looking woman, and she sympathised with Flin, if she did not fall slightly in love with him; as a result she allowed him many liberties not allowed to ordinary prisoners, and but for this his case would have been very much worse than it was.

At length, after some very stormy discussions, and many nights spent in debate, Parliament decided that Flin's offence was very serious indeed, and that he should be indicted on three separate counts, and tried by the State.

The first of these counts was "undignified and insulting language to one of the highest ladies in the land, to wit the most mighty and gracious lady, wife of Ytidrusba, the King's Magician and High Priest." The second was treasonable and seditious language, and the third an attempt to interfere with the peace of the realm. All these, being grave and serious offences, were punishable with death should the accused be found guilty.

Of course to the sober and sensible reader this will seem very absurd, and certainly incredible that people calling themselves civilised should have raised such a storm about nothing. But then it must be remembered that the rulers were women. The State lawyers were women, and they saw that a splendid picking was to be got out of this affair, and so they kept the pot boiling, and strongly advised his Majesty's ministers to prosecute. The Gazette, which was the organ of the King, and partly supported by him out of his own privy purse, and edited by a male, opposed this resolution on the part of the Government very strongly. But the News, which was entirely conducted by women, including the dreadful Mrs ---- , advocated the sternest measures, and tried to howl the Gazette out of the field, The result was that there was such a rumpus as had scarcely ever been known before, and at one time the two parties got so violent as to threaten a disturbance and the Amazons were called out.

During all the time that Parliament was wrangling, and the lawyers were squabbling about Flin's case, and the indictment was being framed, the Princess Yobmot was absent in a distant part of the realm, and so the unfortunate traveller was left without his most powerful friend. For being a woman she could of course do more than could Ytidrusba or the King. The old magician's wife was not slow to perceive that her husband's sympathy was with the accused, and this served to make her more bitter. It is a painful fact that she disliked her husband very much. And with a true woman's spirit she opposed him because "she chose to do so."

When Ytidrusba heard that the day for the trial had been fixed, he was determined to lose no time in letting the Princess know of the true state of affairs, and so he dispatched a trustworthy messenger to her Highness. She was exceedingly angry when she heard of it, for I think it must be confessed that her Highness was a bit of a Tartar, and liked to have her own way. And as she had made Flin a sort of prot‚g‚, it annoyed her to think that anyone should have dared to have taken such a liberty during her absence. Moreover, between her and Mrs. Ytidrusba there was a deadly feud. This of course was greatly in Flin's favour, and he could scarcely fail to profit by it.

As soon as the Princess heard the news she immediately hurried back, and arrived in Esnesnon the day before that appointed for the trial, and she lost no time in obtaining an interview with Flonatin. She found him very dejected. A man in such a position could scarcely help being cast down. He was in such a singular world, where the customs were so totally different to those in his own country, that he looked upon it almost as a forlorn conclusion that his life would be forfeited. Not that he had any craven fear on this score. Far from that. When his

right time came he was not the man to shrink with cowardice from the inevitable. But he did not feel this to be the right time. He had risked much and dared much to accomplish the journey. And now when the goal had been won, when the dearest wish of his heart had been realised, and his favourite theory about the interior of the world being peopled had been proved true, all his labour and devotion and sacrifices were to be rendered useless through the will of a stupid woman. This is what galled him, and as he thought the records of his journey would never reach the hands of the Society for the Exploration of Unknown Regions, he almost wept.

The Princess's visit was therefore as welcome as unexpected. And as she entered the apartment in which he was confined he rose, and taking her Highness's hand, kissed it. But she, with less conventionalism and more warmth, kissed him. He was a little abashed, and would rather have dispensed with such unpleasant honours, but not wishing to offend her, he did not say anything.

"Well, my dear little fellow," was her first exclamation, as she led him to a seat, "whatever made you get yourself into such a scrape as this?"

Flin briefly told her, and for a time the Princess seemed a little grave.

"You have been very indiscreet, very indiscreet," she observed, with more gravity than ever he had seen her assume. And he began to fear that even she considered his offence so terribly serious as to place him beyond the pale of her assistance or sympathy.

Chapter XXVIII

In this thought, however, Flin was greatly mistaken. The Princess was not of that mind. Not that she as a woman looked favourably upon his offence. On the contrary, she really felt that his crime was one which merited the severest punishment, viewed politically. For she, in common with the rest of her sex, and young as she was, was too fond of commanding to brook anything like an innovation from a male. The only male authority she had hitherto recognised had been that of her father, and only then because he was her father. But the fact is that, though an Esnesnonite, she was a woman, and that is saying much. It seems that woman's nature is very much alike all over the world. As a consequence of this, she felt a good deal of warmth for Flin. I don't know whether I should be justified in saying love at this time; but she certainly looked upon him with much favour, and in the corner of her heart perhaps there was real affection, that time would develop; and again, Mrs. Ytidrusba was her enemy. This lady, for some reason that only a woman could explain, had taken a great dislike to the Princess (women do take dislikes to each other in such an unaccountable manner). She said that she was wild, and a great flirt, and ought to be curbed; and had repeatedly spoken to the King; but one of the laws of