'Twas Christmas in Opar and all through the halls

The beast-men were banging their heads on the walls,

Impatiently waiting for Santa to come

And leave them some candy and Fleer bubble gum.

...

The goblets for guzzling the blood of the kill,

Were stacked by the chimney for Santa to fill.

The big Christmas tree was decked out with things

Like bones from their victims, along with their rings.

...

La in her trappings had finished a feast,

Along with ol' Budj, her latest high priest,

When down in the valley she heard such a noise,

She jumped from her throne 'long with some of the boys.

...

They shot through the hallway and out the front gate,

To see who the fools were who'd come, tempting fate.

The sun in the heavens shone down from the sky,

Revealing a Scout troop just then passing by.

...

"Seize them!" cried La; they jumped at her will.

The sun god would surely be pleased by this kill.

But the Scouts were all proving so lively and quick

They made all the beast-men appear to be sick.

...

The Scouts scampered to, and the Scouts scampered fro,

The beast-men had no clue which way they should go.

La yelled and she shrieked but it did her no good,

And soon all the Scouts disappeared in the wood.

...

'You incompetent fools," La told her patrol:

“Santa will bring you all nothing but coal!”

And then in a twinkling La stood, mouth agape,

Upon hearing the growl of a massive bull ape.

...

"It sounds like mangani," she said, "but it's not.

'It's Tarzan the ape man, the one we've all fought.

"Get all your sad rear-ends back up to the halls;

“We'll ambush the fool when he enters our walls.”

...

They hid in the closets, the niches and clefts,

Then entered the ape man with hustle and heft.

He was clad in a loin cloth of slain leopard hide,

And weapons, like tinsel, all shone from his side.

...

The blade of a knife he held tight in his teeth,

And his lasso was looped in the shape of a wreath.

A quiver of arrows was slung on his back,

And the bow in his hand had no instance of slack.

...

His eyes, how they glittered 'neath eyebrows so hairy,

His muscles were rippling; his essence was scary.

The teeth in his jaw were gritted with pow'r,

And he looked like he'd shown up for this very hour.

...

He was fit as a fighter, a formidable foe.

And the beast-men could tell they were in for a row.

He knew they were there, 'cause their bodies were smelly.

They feared for their lives; their knees turned to jelly.

...

The look in his eyes gave them cause to retreat,

And they made for the exits on cowardly feet.

He said nothing more, but turned to their treasure,

Grabbing some gold bars, and jewels for good measure.

...

Then blowing a kiss to the ravishing La,

He made for the door with a final "Ta Ta!"

He paused at the gate as he listened to hear,

The jingle of sleighbells on flying reindeer.

...

Santa was guiding his team by its halter,

Straight toward the opening high o'er the altar

As seagulls and pigeons let loose from on high,

So did the reindeer from up in the sky.

...

Their droppings, extruded from eight furry butts,

Shot down the sun shaft, and landed with spluts.

Then Santa exclaimed as he went on his way:

"Nothing for beast-men of Opar today.

...

"I heard what my elves said; I checked my list twice.

"They're naughty in Opar, a far cry from nice.

"They don't even rate a coal scuttle scoop

“But I left them a good share of my reindeer poop.”

...

Tarzan just grinned as he made his egress,

While La yelled at Budj: "You! Clean up this mess!"